Dave

Stranger: hi
You: Hey, Dave!
Stranger: I'm not Dave
You: How are you doing, Dave? Is the wife still alive?
Stranger: I am your wife
You: I'm sorry Dave, I cannot do that.
Stranger: I am Dave
You: Yes, Dave. Haven't we already established that?
Stranger: no
You: Well, we have.
Stranger: my weener
You: Dave... I need to talk to you about your drug problems.
Stranger: my weener doesn't have a drug problem
You: Lay off the LSD, man. It doesn't stand for Low Sodium Donuts.
Stranger: I thought it did and gimme doughnuts.
Stranger: wanna touch weeners
You: I cannot give you donuts or doughnuts, Dave. I would not like a hotdog, but thank you for the offer.
Stranger: just the ends lets touch weeners plz
You: Dave, what would you say if I told you that I was your mother?
Stranger: I am your mother
You: Dave, you cannot be my mother if you've never been laid before. Please think logical next time I ask you a question.
Stranger: I've laid with your mother
You: My mother is dead.
Stranger: well she didn't complain when I fucked her hard...
You: MY MOTHER WAS DEAD, JACKASS!!!
Stranger: That's why she didn't complain...
You: I suppose that would be logical...
Stranger: your mouth is logical